I remember the year when I faced a pivotal moment in my development team. My manager, who had always trusted me, presented an opportunity to implement DevOps processes. Full of enthusiasm, I proposed a gradual transition approach, but my manager preferred a comprehensive, one-time overhaul.
As time passed, my disagreement grew stronger. I began criticizing my manager’s decisions in front of colleagues, and gradually, this negative energy not only clouded my judgment but also affected the entire team’s atmosphere. Looking back now, I realize both approaches had their merits, and my behavior not only betrayed my manager’s trust but also damaged team cohesion.
Many of us have found ourselves in similar situations: perhaps strongly opposing a colleague’s proposal in a meeting, saying irretrievable words to loved ones at home, or impulsively ending a relationship in a moment of anger. When strong emotions drive our thinking, we often find ourselves reflecting later: “If only I had stayed calm.”
The Vicious Cycle of Emotions, Thoughts, and Actions
When we’re overwhelmed by emotions, we often fall into a vicious cycle: negative emotions affect our thinking patterns, distorted thinking leads to inappropriate actions, and the consequences of these actions ultimately intensify our negative emotions. In my case, anger and hurt over disagreeing with my manager’s decision led me to view the entire situation through a biased lens, ultimately resulting in my public criticism of leadership.
However, this cycle can be broken. The key lies in a simple but powerful principle: “PAUSE.” When we feel intense emotions rising, the most crucial first step is to tell ourselves: “Wait a moment, there’s no rush.”
Practical Application of the “Pause” Principle
Let’s examine how this “pause” attitude can be applied in daily life:
In the workplace, when your proposal is rejected by your manager or colleagues, you might feel angry or frustrated. Your first instinct might be to argue back or express dissatisfaction. But if you can pause first – step out for coffee or excuse yourself to the restroom – and ask yourself: “What am I really trying to achieve here?” You might realize that the goal isn’t to prove yourself right but to make the team better. This reflection could lead to an entirely different approach.
At home, when parents intervene in our decisions, especially regarding career choices or relationships, we might feel irritated and misunderstood. We might be tempted to snap, “It’s my life, stay out of it!” But if we can pause – perhaps by getting a glass of water – and reflect: “Could there be merit in their concerns? How can I express my thoughts without damaging our relationship?”
Developing Real-Time Awareness
Any significant decision deserves careful consideration. Choices made after emotional recovery typically align better with our true objectives.
The next step after learning this principle is developing real-time awareness. First, we need to recognize our personal “warning signs” during emotional escalation. These might be physical (increased heart rate, rapid breathing, sweaty palms) or behavioral (raised voice, interrupting others, restlessness).
When we can identify these warning signs, it’s like having an “emotional thermometer” inside us. Once the thermometer indicates rising emotions, we can remind ourselves: now is not the best time for decisions.
In these moments, we can:
Temporarily excuse ourselves from the situation: use the restroom, get water, or say you need to check some information
Practice deep breathing: slowly inhale into your belly, then exhale gradually
Count to ten silently: give yourself a brief cooling-off period
Write down your thoughts: record what you urgently want to express, then review it when calm
Remember: Any significant decision deserves careful consideration. Choices made after emotional recovery typically align better with our true objectives.
Why This Matters
Throughout our life journey, whether in career development or relationships, every significant turning point often comes with intense emotions. We might resign due to temporary frustration or sever long-standing relationships over heated words. These emotionally-driven decisions often create unexpected ripple effects in our lives.
Like my workplace experience, if I had recognized the influence of emotions and chosen to pause, I might have found a better way to handle the conflict – one that could have achieved professional goals while preserving valuable relationships. After all, true career development isn’t just about professional competence; it’s about collaboration and finding balance in conflicts.
Similarly, emotional management becomes even more crucial in building and maintaining relationships. Every deep friendship and close family bond is built through countless moments of “rational choices.” When we learn to hit pause during emotional peaks, we give ourselves the chance to hear others’ perspectives, understand their concerns, and find ways to express ourselves while nurturing relationships.
Conclusion
Finally, emotions aren’t the enemy – they signal what we care about and value. The key isn’t suppressing emotions but learning to coexist with them, letting them guide us rather than control us. When we can call “pause” as emotions surge, giving ourselves space to think, we’re more likely to make choices that truly serve our long-term interests.
